BLOOMBERG IN, BLOOMBERG OUT (Late Night Dedication: 3/5/20)

Today Michael Bloomberg withdrew from the race for the Democratic nomination and endorsed his chief rival, Joe Biden, a man who doesn’t know what day of the week it is, what state he’s in or whether his wife is his sister.

It’s weird. If I knew Mike Bloomberg wasn’t going anywhere why did he, a purportedly rational man, need to spend $700 million dollars to win a few dozen delegates and find it out for himself?

What is it Donald Trump keeps saying? This thing I do, it’s not easy.

To think, if Mini-Mike had only listened to me, Trump and Ringo, he would not stand today, forever exposed as the biggest schmuck of all time.

Oh well….Here’s to you…


TO MICHAEL BLOOMBERG (Late Night Dedication: 11/25/19)

On the occasion of his announcing for the Democratic nomination, from a party sure to be filled with people who can’t help but be ecstatic at being given a chance to vote for a Republican pretending to be a Democrat instead of the multi-millionaire Socialist who pretended to be a Democrat last time and then went back to being a Socialist and is now pretending to be a Democrat again. Or the Irishman pretending to be a Mexican (already gone). Or the former vice president now pretending to be a black man. Or the woman who used to pretend she was an Indian but now pretends she never pretended any such thing!

If he’s lucky, tonight will be Bloomberg’s peak, so we need to get this dedication in while we can: