AND AGAIN, FOR WHAT I PROMISE IS THE LAST TIME…TO ROBERT MUELLER! (Late Night Dedication: 7/24/19)

Yes, loyal readers, you all know Raymond Chandler’s mantra by now: All secret police forces come to the same end.

But the means are pretty predictable too. In Democracies, one common feature is dredging up some doddering figurehead who has been kept sufficiently respectable for public consumption and isn’t quite so far gone as to need a bib at feeding time. Such was Robert Mueller presumed to be until the geniuses who run the Democratic side of Congress compelled today’s testimony, likely to be his last major public appearance.

Alas, good ol’ Bob has passed the point where he can be cleaned up and presented for the cameras. Just following both sides on Twitter today, it became pretty clear by early afternoon that Mueller was insufficiently familiar with the investigation he led, or the report issued under his name, to be held liable for any actions taken or not taken. To the extent the comings and goings of the last two-and-a-half years had any coherence at all, it is now being laid at the feet of Mueller’s top aide, Andrew Weissmann, a man with a history of corruption that–pardon the expression–swamps Mueller’s own.

Can’t wait until they drag him into the light.

Of course, if we had a functioning government and a real country, men like Mueller and Weissmann would never have come anywhere near the levers of power. They would have been shunted off to small towns, the tender care of Ryker’s Island, or a handy electric chair, decades ago and an antidote like Donald Trump–a rat big enough and mean enough to tear the throats out of all the other rats–would never have become necessary in the first place.

Try catching anyone emerging from their carefully constructed delusions long enough to take responsibility for that tonight.

Hey Bob….She’s winking at you. I promise. And there’s no way she’ll be slipping some Intelligence Community-approved powder in your warm milk that will cause your convenient death to be reported as a sudden attack of natural causes. Drink up, buddy!