DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: Tolerance

tolerance: the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

To the oppressed: that which I will demand from others until I win.

To the oppressor: that which I am perfectly willing to put up with to the exact extent it guarantees I will not lose.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil's Dictionary.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil’s Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: Hypocrisy

hypocrisy: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform

When a man changes his mind to disagree with me: Opportunism

When a man changes his mind to agree with me: Growth

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil's Dictionary.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil’s Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: “whataboutism”

whataboutism: (“What about the economy?”) to deflect away from an earlier subject as a political strategy; it’s essentially a reversal of accusation, arguing that an opponent is guilty of an offense just as egregious or worse than what the original party was accused of doing, however unconnected the offenses may be.

When I practice it on others: sound, irrefutable logic

When others practice it on me: skullduggery

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil’s Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: anti-Semite

NOTE: Most of the recent attacks on Jews that are receiving a lot of media coverage the last month or so (and mostly occurring in or around New York City, the poster metropolis  of human diversity) are more properly termed Anti-Judaism, a particular form of anti-Semitism which targets those who openly practice the Jewish religion, but the Language Police haven’t come up with any useful double definitions for that. This might help with sorting the more everyday discourse.

anti-Semite:  a person who is hostile to or prejudiced against Jews.

A Liberal, when described by a Conservative: Someone who loves Jews, but hates Israel.

A Conservative, when described by a Liberal: Someone who loves Israel, but hates Jews.

SECOND NOTE: How honest any given depiction of Jews, Israel, Liberals or Conservatives might be often depends on the eye of the beholder, but this much is true: Jews are always Jewish and Israel is always Israel, while Liberals are almost never Liberal and Conservatives are almost never Conservative.

Hope that’s all straight now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: Traitor

What with Team Trump and Team ____ (Is it Nadler now? I’m having trouble keeping up) trading Impeachment/IG Report haymakers this week, I thought this might be useful.

Traitor: A person who betrays a friend, country, principle, etc.

When I agree with the actions of the person in question: A concerned citizen and brave patriot taking incredible risks for the betterment of our great nation.

When I disagree with said actions: Fit subject for a hanging.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: “Bribe”

Bribe: money or favor given or promised in order to influence the judgment or conduct of a person in a position of trust

When received by my opponent: Clear and incontrovertible evidence of deficient morals.

When received by me: Donation to a worthy cause.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.

WITH APOLOGIES TO AMBROSE BIERCE…

Introducing the Devil’s Double Dictionary…where common-use words or phrases are presented with their actual dictionary meanings followed by their real world dual-use meanings in the New Gilded Age (dictionary meanings from Merriam-Webster online):

gaffe: a social or diplomatic blunder

When committed by someone I like: an honest mistake, easily explained, i.e., “we’re all human!”

When committed by someone I don’t like: clear and incontrovertible evidence of evil intent, incompetence or insanity, i.e., “a-ha, this is what they’re really like!”

IN KEEPING WITH THE SPIRIT OF THE TIMES….

These…and others…

CABBAGE, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

(Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary)

I’ve been thinking about some rules for how to thrive and survive on “social” media. Last night I finally wrote them down. It became an easy process once I realized they needed to be after the manner of Ambrose Bierce who, today, would probably forego the trouble of compiling The Devil’s Dictionary and settle for shooting himself in the head.

These rules are especially useful for keeping your head about you on Twitter where the acceptance of obliterated reason is a must.

But, as Twitter becomes the Ruler of Our Destiny, these may become New Commandments as well.

Best heed them, then, while they can still be offered in the spirit of suggestion:

1) Everyone who disagrees with me is part of a Cult. Probably a Death Cult.

2) If someone I voted for does something I disagree with, it’s either a mistake or something they were forced to do in order to appease the cult and get elected so they could do good. This is doubly true if they are term limited and will never run for office again.

3) If someone I did not vote for does something I agree with, it’s part of an evil plot, the general outline of which will only become clear in some distant, as yet ill-defined future, where the cult is overthrown and the truth is known at last.

4) Any confrontation with facts or logic which does not conform to my preexisting beliefs may be safely ignored until such time as the presenter is hounded from our midst.

5) Unpleasant truths must be obliterated. Pleasant untruths must be force-multiplied by re-tweets.

6) When historical memory is useful, go Super Nova. When it is not, go Black Hole.

7) A lie committed by my own side is a mistake. A mistake committed by the other side is a lie.

8) Never admit that whatever you think of “them.” they think of you. In a world that consists entirely of Us and Them, you might become confused.

9) My side is filled with well-meaning dunces, who always cave to the slightest opposition. The other side is filled with ruthless, dedicated servants of the Will to Power who –despite being too stupid to breathe–always get their way.

10) If my side threatens violence, it’s in the spirit of Irony, which the other side cannot grasp, nuance being beyond their meager capacity. If the other side threatens violence it’s just about what you would expect from a Death Cult.

If you can abide by these routines with no more thought than you put into breathing out after you breathe in (and, lest we forget, vice versa) then yours is the post-civilizational earth and every barren thing that’s in it.

The rest of us will just have to get along the best we can…