DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: Hypocrisy

hypocrisy: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform

When a man changes his mind to disagree with me: Opportunism

When a man changes his mind to agree with me: Growth

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil's Dictionary.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil’s Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: fascist

Another rare triple entry!

fascist: follower of fascism, i.e., (per the Cambridge Dictionary) a political system based on a very powerful leader, state control, and being extremely proud of country and race, and in which political opposition is not allowed

Lefty: Righty

Righty: Lefty (often preceded by “the real”

Everybody else: All of the above. More so if I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Alternatively: whoever my social circle disapproves of at the moment.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil's Dictionary.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil’s Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: “whataboutism”

whataboutism: (“What about the economy?”) to deflect away from an earlier subject as a political strategy; it’s essentially a reversal of accusation, arguing that an opponent is guilty of an offense just as egregious or worse than what the original party was accused of doing, however unconnected the offenses may be.

When I practice it on others: sound, irrefutable logic

When others practice it on me: skullduggery

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil’s Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: “scientist”

scientist: a person who is studying or has expert knowledge of one or more of the natural or physical sciences.

One fitting this description who takes it upon himself to assure us what we already believe is true: Man of reason; belongs with the saints; resembles God (in whom he does not believe) in never having made a mistake!

Same…who suggests what we wish to be true may not be: Quack; weirdo; a danger to us all!; no more capable of thought than a cabbage.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devil’s Dictionary

 

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: Executive Privilege

executive privilege: the privilege, claimed by the president for the executive branch of the US government, of withholding information in the public interest

When invoked by a President of whom one does not approve: Clear evidence of unspeakable perfidy and skulduggery.

When invoked by a President of whom one approves: Checks and balances.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary

 

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: anti-Semite

NOTE: Most of the recent attacks on Jews that are receiving a lot of media coverage the last month or so (and mostly occurring in or around New York City, the poster metropolis  of human diversity) are more properly termed Anti-Judaism, a particular form of anti-Semitism which targets those who openly practice the Jewish religion, but the Language Police haven’t come up with any useful double definitions for that. This might help with sorting the more everyday discourse.

anti-Semite:  a person who is hostile to or prejudiced against Jews.

A Liberal, when described by a Conservative: Someone who loves Jews, but hates Israel.

A Conservative, when described by a Liberal: Someone who loves Israel, but hates Jews.

SECOND NOTE: How honest any given depiction of Jews, Israel, Liberals or Conservatives might be often depends on the eye of the beholder, but this much is true: Jews are always Jewish and Israel is always Israel, while Liberals are almost never Liberal and Conservatives are almost never Conservative.

Hope that’s all straight now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: Traitor

What with Team Trump and Team ____ (Is it Nadler now? I’m having trouble keeping up) trading Impeachment/IG Report haymakers this week, I thought this might be useful.

Traitor: A person who betrays a friend, country, principle, etc.

When I agree with the actions of the person in question: A concerned citizen and brave patriot taking incredible risks for the betterment of our great nation.

When I disagree with said actions: Fit subject for a hanging.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY (RARE TRIPLE ENTRY): “Investigative Journalist”

Investigative Journalist: reporter who deeply investigates a single topic of interest, such as serious crimes, political corruption, or corporate wrongdoing.

One who writes what I already agree with: Hard-hitting truth teller.

One who writes what I already disagree with: Muckraking hack.

One who presumes to tell me something I don’t already know: %^*$#! (insert preferred expletive here…try to involve motherhood somehow).

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: “Bribe”

Bribe: money or favor given or promised in order to influence the judgment or conduct of a person in a position of trust

When received by my opponent: Clear and incontrovertible evidence of deficient morals.

When received by me: Donation to a worthy cause.

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.

DEVIL’S DOUBLE DICTIONARY: “Rule of Law”

Rule of Law: the restriction of the arbitrary exercise of power by subordinating it to well-defined and established laws.

My Side: That which we can never break, even if we would.

Other Side: That which they will never uphold, even if they could.

[Note: This one will be well worth bearing in mind in the coming months. You’re going to hear it a lot, and, no matter who is talking, it will always mean what it means here and never what it means in the dictionary.]

All entries in the Devil’s Double Dictionary at RPM will be accompanied by this photograph of Ambrose Bierce, author of the original Devils Dictionary.