TO JOE BIDEN (Late Night Dedication: 4/6/20)

Verbatim quote from a Biden interview today (with ABC news) link here in case you don’t quite believe me:

…“We cannot let this, we’ve never allowed any crisis from the Civil War straight through to the pandemic of 17, all the way around, 16, we have never, never let our democracy sakes second fiddle, way they, we can both have a democracy and elections and at the same time correct public health.”…

If Chevy Chase had any guts he’d come out of retirement just to mock this (you know, the way he once did Gerald Ford…rather brilliantly). He wouldn’t need to change a word.

Since he doesn’t and he won’t, I think we all know what Joe needs to hear:

BLOOMBERG IN, BLOOMBERG OUT (Late Night Dedication: 3/5/20)

Today Michael Bloomberg withdrew from the race for the Democratic nomination and endorsed his chief rival, Joe Biden, a man who doesn’t know what day of the week it is, what state he’s in or whether his wife is his sister.

It’s weird. If I knew Mike Bloomberg wasn’t going anywhere why did he, a purportedly rational man, need to spend $700 million dollars to win a few dozen delegates and find it out for himself?

What is it Donald Trump keeps saying? This thing I do, it’s not easy.

To think, if Mini-Mike had only listened to me, Trump and Ringo, he would not stand today, forever exposed as the biggest schmuck of all time.

Oh well….Here’s to you…

Schmuck.

TO MICHAEL BLOOMBERG (Late Night Dedication: 11/25/19)

On the occasion of his announcing for the Democratic nomination, from a party sure to be filled with people who can’t help but be ecstatic at being given a chance to vote for a Republican pretending to be a Democrat instead of the multi-millionaire Socialist who pretended to be a Democrat last time and then went back to being a Socialist and is now pretending to be a Democrat again. Or the Irishman pretending to be a Mexican (already gone). Or the former vice president now pretending to be a black man. Or the woman who used to pretend she was an Indian but now pretends she never pretended any such thing!

If he’s lucky, tonight will be Bloomberg’s peak, so we need to get this dedication in while we can:

 

TO THE DEMOCRAT PARTY (Late Night Dedication: 10/17/19)

Today, one of the more significant and sickening votes in the history of the U.S. House of Representatives was taken. The resolution was to condemn Donald Trump for withdrawing a handful of troops from Northern Syria in his latest attempt to curtail the Empire and, in his words, “end the endless wars.”

Every single Democrat in the House voted to condemn Trump’s small attempt to throw a monkey wrench in the Permanent War Machine. The only Republicans who voted with Trump were sixty of the dread Tea Party types. If this were the sixties, Jim Jordan would be Weatherman.

I had already decided a few years back to never vote for a Democrat again at any level. Liberals Who Aren’t are no better than Conservatives Who Do Not Conserve and they serve the same paymasters. If election day comes and the Republican is too vile (and that’s already happened a few times), I’ll vote third party or not vote at all.

But today’s action made me remember that I forgot to say goodbye.

So here’s to the Permanent War Party:

AND AGAIN, FOR WHAT I PROMISE IS THE LAST TIME…TO ROBERT MUELLER! (Late Night Dedication: 7/24/19)

Yes, loyal readers, you all know Raymond Chandler’s mantra by now: All secret police forces come to the same end.

But the means are pretty predictable too. In Democracies, one common feature is dredging up some doddering figurehead who has been kept sufficiently respectable for public consumption and isn’t quite so far gone as to need a bib at feeding time. Such was Robert Mueller presumed to be until the geniuses who run the Democratic side of Congress compelled today’s testimony, likely to be his last major public appearance.

Alas, good ol’ Bob has passed the point where he can be cleaned up and presented for the cameras. Just following both sides on Twitter today, it became pretty clear by early afternoon that Mueller was insufficiently familiar with the investigation he led, or the report issued under his name, to be held liable for any actions taken or not taken. To the extent the comings and goings of the last two-and-a-half years had any coherence at all, it is now being laid at the feet of Mueller’s top aide, Andrew Weissmann, a man with a history of corruption that–pardon the expression–swamps Mueller’s own.

Can’t wait until they drag him into the light.

Of course, if we had a functioning government and a real country, men like Mueller and Weissmann would never have come anywhere near the levers of power. They would have been shunted off to small towns, the tender care of Ryker’s Island, or a handy electric chair, decades ago and an antidote like Donald Trump–a rat big enough and mean enough to tear the throats out of all the other rats–would never have become necessary in the first place.

Try catching anyone emerging from their carefully constructed delusions long enough to take responsibility for that tonight.

Hey Bob….She’s winking at you. I promise. And there’s no way she’ll be slipping some Intelligence Community-approved powder in your warm milk that will cause your convenient death to be reported as a sudden attack of natural causes. Drink up, buddy!

TO ROBERT MUELLER, FORMER HEAD OF THE FBI DON’T YA’ KNOW (Late Night Dedication: 3/24/19)

 All secret police forces come to the same end. 
Raymond Chandler

Yes, Robert Mueller’s real job was to take over the Bring-Trump-Down-By-Any-Means-Necessary investigation from an already severely compromised FBI and muck about until it could be handed off to someone else (likely some House committee headed by the likes of Adam Schiff or Elijah Cummings or Jerry Nadler, next to whom Mueller looks like the love child of Albert Einstein and Marie Curie) .

But Donald Trump knows, even if his enemies don’t, that Mueller’s investigation was the last that had any chance of being sold as “bipartisan” or “objective” or “credible” or “strictly professional” or whatever euphemism for fake honesty his media handlers were pushing in a given week. And that’s why there’s only one record that fully captures the Swamp State’s gift to their sworn enemy, the one man on the face of the earth they’ve spent three years proving they hate even worse than they hate you…

TO THE REPUBLIC (Late Night Dedication: 2/17/19)

Now that even the “mainstream” (i.e., elite-approved) media is acknowledging (albeit with a wink and a nod) the coup attempt carried out against Donald Trump by his own FBI and DOJ (after Obama’s FBI and DOJ failed to prevent him from winning the 2016 election despite using every trick in their book except assassination), we have the answer to whether or not such public knowledge (and it’s  now very public, heck it even made 60 Minutes, followed immediately by the usual nondenial denial) would cause anyone to turn a hair.

And the answer is . . .

No.

No surprise.

Just another day in the life of the former United States of America, a place I remember well enough to lament its passing:

TO EMMANUEL MACRON (Late Night Dedication: 1/5/2019)

The Vests have been joined by extremists from the far Right and the ultra-Left, as well as anarchists intent on causing as much damage as possible.

And you think Donald Trump has it bad.

Macron, whose election in 2017 was celebrated across the Western Elite World as a triumph for Reason and Democracy against the Forces of Darkness, or, at very least, a sigh of relief (not to mention a poke in Trump’s Running Dog Imperialist Yankee eye), now carries an 18% approval rating in the polls.

I don’t put much stock in polls when it comes to fine-tuning–a competent pollster can tip any public poll as much as ten or twenty points in whatever direction the backing donor prefers (or deliver a private number that’s on the nose if, by chance, the backer likes to know something you don’t). But an 18% public number means the Establishment, in France, the EU (always supposing there’s a difference) and elsewhere, has lost complete confidence anyway.

Which is very bad news for Macron, because he is now faced with nationwide street riots, which, despite a recent arrest of one of the “leaders,” are essentially formless, and, worse, free of any comfortably constricting ideology. When the Marxists, the Fascists, the Anarchists and the Populists (meaning normal people who don’t usually see rioting as a solution, in this case called Yellow Vests), are all in the streets, agreeing only on the need for your removal, and everybody knows it isn’t really about rising gas taxes because those have already been addressed, then you might be in need of a dedication.

Here’s what I always play during a riot Emmanuel. Hope it helps. If it doesn’t work the first time, just keep playing it:

TO THE AFGHAN MISSION (Late Night Dedication: 10/19/18)

It’s the little things that tell the tale….

We have been in Afghanistan for nearly seventeen years. A small item in the news today (I’m guessing CNN gave it no more than an hour or two total throughout the first twenty-four hours, plus a few hundred words on their website….and that there will be little or no followup) tells us what we have won.

Two Americans also were wounded in the shooting attack at Kandahar Palace, said Col. Dave Butler, a spokesman for US Forces-Afghanistan. US Army Gen. Scott Miller, the commander of US and NATO forces in Afghanistan, was present but uninjured in the attack, a statement from US forces said.

To wit: To win a war, you must take the enemy’s ground and hold it until he gives up. Today we learned that what we are constantly told is the mightiest military force in the history of the world, having occupied, for seventeen years, a country which barely qualifies for the term Third World, cannot guarantee the safety of our top commander in the region inside a prominent government facility.

This means we have taken and held not a single inch of Afghan territory.

Our defeat could hardly be more thorough. Donald Trump should dump his military advisers and fulfill his campaign promise to listen to Freda: