CELEBRITY NEWS (Or, What Can a Poor Girl Do?)

Not my usual beat but some things beg for a response:

News Item #1: Mick Jagger’s former long-time squeeze (1976–1999), Jerry Hall, is now engaged to Rupert Murdoch.

Which brings to mind a couple of discerning quotes.

“This is just a white-trash theory, but I think if he married Ann-Margret, he’d still be alive today.” (Dwight Yoakam, concerning Elvis)

amargret2

“This is just a white-trash theory, but I think if he stayed with Marianne Faithfull, he’d still be alive today.” (Me, concerning Mick Jagger)

mfaithfull5

I’m not one to go around blaming the woman for the demise of some man’s soul. But if, by chance, Jerry did have something to do with the hollowing out of Mick Jagger–in case it wasn’t just Satan (who, come to think of it, would use a Texas girl) or Pod People taking their inspiration from Invasion of the Body Snatchers–then here’s hoping she can do the same for the Murdoch media empire.

If she’s got that kind of power, she owes us one.

NOTE: My sources insist there is absolutely no truth whatsoever to the rumor that Rupe’s initial pick-up line was, “Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste.” The vehemence of their collective denial is, I think, its own affirmation.

News Item #2:

Oscar noms out today. Paul Dano was robbed. Satan never rests.

2 thoughts on “CELEBRITY NEWS (Or, What Can a Poor Girl Do?)

  1. Jerry and Rupert: when Mr Murdoch passes on to the great Outback in the Sky, Mrs Murdock is gonna use her inherited wealth to go on a philanthropic binge backing unionization around the world. (You heard it from me first).

    Ann-Margret and Elvis: a marriage made in Hollywood Heaven but it woulda had ZERO effect on the fact that Elvis desperately needed Prozac, which didn’t exist in the 70s.

    Marianne and Mick: I dunno, but had they stuck it out they mighta stuck it in one too many times and both ODed decades ago.

    Oscars: Dano and Paul Giamatti and the amazing Elizabeth Banks were all snubbed. Who’s surprised?

  2. Well, these pet theories don’t run on logic exactly (lol). The Elvis who woulda stuck with AM would have been at least a slightly different guy (same for Mick and MF). As slightly different guys we might never have heard of either. Always tricky delving into alternative universes.

    On top of everything else regarding Love and Mercy (which was certainly a better movie than Bridge of Spies, the only other best pix nominee I’ve seen and pretty good at that), somebody–or a lot of somebodies–thought the new Star Wars had better SOUND EDITING.

    Somebody crazy. Or somebody just don’t care.

Leave a Reply